When a project ends, we can point to what we made. It’s harder to see what the work has made of us. We’ve spent weeks or months practicing a way of responding to people and problems. Some of that practice will stay with us long after the project is forgotten.

We might learn to admit a mistake before someone else finds it. We might get better at hearing criticism without immediately defending ourselves. We can also get very good at hiding problems or wearing people down until they agree. A finished project can look successful while leaving us with habits we would never have chosen deliberately.

This is why I think love belongs in a conversation about work. By love, I mean seeking another person’s good for their sake. It gives us a reason to become more capable that goes beyond getting ahead. Someone else needs what we’re making, and we want to do it well for them.

That intention has to reach the finished work. If a person can’t use what I’ve made, my good intentions won’t help them. I need to find out where I fell short and try again. Doing that improves the work, but it also gives me practice at putting someone’s needs ahead of my wish to be right.

Over time, those choices can change how we respond outside work too. The patience we practice doesn’t have to stay at our desk. Neither does the defensiveness. Alongside asking whether a project was successful, I want to ask who I’m becoming by working this way.